|so... i should really be doing hw.. however...
||[Sep. 7th, 2006|10:57 pm]
|||||surrounded by homework.||]|
|||||my grandma fucking blasting the tv because shes deaf||]|
ever since i started senior year all ive heard is COLLEGE COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAY COLLEGE COLLEGE ESSAY COLLEGE SCHOLORSHIP COLLEGE COLLEGE COLLEGE COLLEGE
so then i realize that i need to have my shit done in dec.
i need a finished portfolio, essays (wtf, i might as well kill myself because between the daily english essays, honors level womens studies and application needs ill prolly have written liiiiiiiiike.... 40 essays by the end of dec. and i haaaaaaaaate essays.) a decent GPA, and somewhere around $40,000.
portfolio is do-able.
essays are unfortunatly going to have to be do-able.
a decent GPA.... well, im working on it.
applications also cost fifty fucking dollars. that means im paying $50 to be REJECTED. i feel like thats a waste. now if i spend $150 on three applications for three schools and i get accepted to all three... well good for me, but $100 has still been wasted. now i cant just apply to one school because if i dont get in then.... im fucked. basically. sooo ill be wasting money either way.
since its quite obvious that you need to be a millionair (which im deffinatly not) to get into college, i asked my parents how much they had set aside for me... ya know, what kind of budget we're looking at. apparently that budget is $0. now at first.... i thought that they were trying to say go where ever you want...moneys not an issue... nope. they were saying i have no money set aside. NOTHING. the little i have in bonds and stuff from my aunt wont even cover half of my freshman year's tuition apparently.
so. college looks like its more of an idealist place.
i dunno what other options i have though.
and plus, if i dont go to school, ill be disowned and we cant have that, now can we?
so im trying to really bust my ass so i can really have an amazing application to turn in... and im pretty sure my parents dont believe i can get my GPA up to a 3.5+ or that i should go to art school.
like, i know alot of people have shitty parents and stuff and i really do love mine, and they support me on alot... but when it comes to stuff that really matters and i NEED the support, i never feel like theyre behind me on it. like they say they are but i never feel that they mean it.
so... i have no idea what i want to do with my life.
i dunno where i wanna go.
but im not letting myself stay trapped in NH because i dont have the money.
id rather be homeless NY than stuck in nuetral here.
how the fuck am i supposed to pay of upwards of $160,000 in loans?